lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
