it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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