Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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