God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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