I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
