i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
