You're so nebulous sometimes
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
