I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
