Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
