I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
