please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
