My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
