I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
