you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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