my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You ruined the universe
that is very illegal...i love you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
