She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
