when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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