the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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