Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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