at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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