I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
