He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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