why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
