oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
