I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
