This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
