we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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