Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
