Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
