That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
