I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
