That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Mom said you looked used
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
