I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
