I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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