forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
