she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
