yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
