i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
