just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
