Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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