I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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