So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
