Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I AM VODKA MAN
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
