he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
