Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
