Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need water and some morals
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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