Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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