susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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