This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
is wine microwaveable?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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