You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
