Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
worst night to have a conscience
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
