I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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