dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
