i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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