youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
