fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
