This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
