How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
