You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
