I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
