we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
In America we eat man semen.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
