so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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