Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.