i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
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If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?