erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
