You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!