Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.