Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
