Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
