So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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