I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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