I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
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I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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