Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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