everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
