OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
