i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
