We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
