The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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