I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
