dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
